Monday, December 14, 2020

A reflection on sex education

 I am passionate about comprehensive sex education in schools, and often talk about it. Sex education in school itself is already a controversial and uncomfortable conversation, but why? I believe the conversation about sex education should not be uncomfortable, but obviously will be when talking to elementary-aged children. Besides comprehensive sex education, there is also the other option which is abstinence-based education. The main difference between the two is that one talks about many different aspects of sex education and focuses on the education and safe practices while the other option puts abstinence as the main focal point to not have sex. The two different approaches are still being debated on whether sex education should be provided and if so, what method will they be teaching? This conversation is an important one, which is why I am talking about it today. 

Comprehensive sex education is an education program that talks about multiple aspects of sex. When the average person thinks about sex, you usually think of a consensual act done between a male and a female. Even though this is the typical scenario, there are many people who do not experience that. Comprehensive sex education would start in the beginning of elementary school which is why many parents do not support this approach. The point to starting so early is to educate young children on appropriate terminology of body parts and the difference between good touch and bad touch. This basically is trying to protect young children against getting hurt and being afraid to tell someone about it. In many child sexual abuse cases, the perpetrator often uses pet names or “cute” names for body parts. When a child uses these names to detectives or even their parents, it often gets skewed and is more difficult to determine. Starting comprehensive sex education at an early age could educate children to look for certain things and how to communicate. 

Abstinence-only sex education has a main focal point which is abstinence. In many examples of abstinence-only education, the education does not start until eighth grade. Unfortunately, the education seems to happen too late because a lot of children are already going through puberty. Besides that, the only education you receive is that you should wait until marriage to have sex and about sexually transmitted diseases. The education that is provided about waiting until marriage for sex usually consists of an abstinence pledge and scaring children about the horrors of getting pregnant and the consequences of unintended pregnancies. After getting scared about having sex, then the abstinence-only educators show graphic images of STDs and talk about the road to curing these. Abstinence-only sex education only focuses on the negatives of sex and does not think of the real-world. 

In my experience, my high school did abstinence-based sex education. It started in ninth grade, and the educator fit all into one semester. In the one semester, we covered an abstinence pledge, STDs, and contraception. I was surprised that we covered more than just condoms and talked about their effectiveness. While I was taking it, I did not think much about it. Now looking back, it was not the best and makes sense why it does not work.


Unwanted pregnancies are a problem, and we need good programs that prevent these, especially among younger persons.  Being pressured into sex and being psychologically coerced into pushing relationships in a sexual direction is another problem.  And, of course, sexually transmitted diseases are a terrible problem. So, you would imagine that our society would honestly try to find the sort of educational interventions that are most effective at preventing these things, and then implement those.  Since our society leaves decisions about educational content largely to local school district boards and principals and teachers, there is little or state governments and the federal government to do. The federal government can give grants to states or local school districts that implement approved programs, and deny grant money to school districts that defy federal or state recommendations, but that is the main way we get policy set in this area.

It has been years (over a decade) since I reviewed the evidence for abstinence only sex education (which is not at all what I received in middle school in 1979-1982). It was not the most effective intervention for preventing onset of sexual behavior or intercourse. It had an effect, and it seemed to mainly work by helping a minority of kids take on a sort of self-concept of themselves as being different from the mainstream, and this “specialness” was part of what helped them delay sex. The sex education I received in public schools was all about the plumbing and biology and so forth.  I still remember the question I asked as a sixth or seventh grader after one of the sessions of sex education (which I had mainly learned as a 6-year-old and 7-year-old at home).  I asked about what percentage of the time when a man ejaculated inside during ovulation would the egg be fertilized and develop into a baby?  I guessed it could not possibly be 100%, but wondered if it was something like 20% or 50% or 75% or what.  I don’t think my teacher knew the answer.  Come to think of it, I still don’t know the answer. I have been interested in miscarriages and natural pregnancy terminations (our third son died of a miscarriage before he was born), and so I know that a very high percentage of fertilizations do not end in a live birth.  It seems in many cases, the zygote only develops to the blastula stage (if it even gets that far) and gets flushed out with menstrual blood before the mother ever guesses she was “pregnant”, and was she pregnant? Does one become pregnant when one has a fertilized egg inside, or should we define pregnancy as starting around the 14th to 21st day (Carnegie stage 6 or 7), when the embryo really starts to take form in the uterine lining?  

  The more important questions of the role of sex in relationships, how to deal with sexual desire, how to be respectful of the wishes of others, and how to deal with jealousy, or sexual self-concept, or sexual orientation, or gender identity, or any of those very important topics, was ignored.  And, also, I think even in progressive American schools it would be rare to teach important lessons about how to give sexual satisfaction to partners, how to have a satisfying sex life, and how to avoid sexual infidelity or understand why people cheat, and things of that nature. Sexual complaints are a huge factor in marital dissatisfaction, and sexual infidelity contributes to many divorces.  I believe these sorts of things have been taught in public schools in the UK, Scandinavia, France, etc., but not so much in America.


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